#35, the thirty fifth one.
Active vs Passive Mindsets, Over-choice and How to Avoid it, Useful Concepts, Getting Along with Kids, State of the Culture (2024), and Advice Pandemic..
Hi,
Articles
The hard truth is that most things in your life – good and bad – are your fault. The sooner you realise that, the better things will be. Here’s how to cultivate an active mindset and take control of your life.
When the language you use about things going on in your life is passive, you slowly convince yourself that nothing is your responsibility. This makes you feel good because it absolves you from responsibility. It means you don’t have to look inside yourself and change anything. It means you’re not in control.
Well I have news for you: you are in control. You’re in control of how you respond to the ups and downs of life. You’re in control of how you talk to yourself.
In our age of abundance we’re constantly faced with choices, which we must navigate with a brain that evolved for a much simpler life. As such, we’re overwhelmed by options, lost in the labyrinth of possibility, trapped by unfettered freedom.
Buridan’s ass illustrates that there’s a cost to weighing options, which can exceed the cost of any of the options. Thus, the choices we make don’t need to be the best; they just have to be worth more than the time spent making them.
Uphill Decisions
“If you can't decide between two equally difficult choices, take the path that's more difficult/painful in the short term.”
The Hesitation Heuristic
“If you can’t decide, the answer is no.”
We live in an age of abundance, where new options are constantly becoming available. But every option has an opportunity cost, so if you keep taking opportunities you’re not eager for, you’ll miss out on ones to which you’d unequivocally answer “Yes!”
And few more..
30 Useful Concepts (Spring 2024), 10 min
A summary of interesting and useful concepts to spur your curiosity. Click the titles for more information.
Dopamine Culture
“Every kind of organized distraction tends to become progressively more and more imbecile.” — Aldous Huxley
The delay between desire & gratification is shrinking. Pleasure is increasingly more instant & effortless. Everything is becoming a drug. What will it do to us?
The Two-Minute Rule
“If a task will take less than two minutes, it should be done at the moment it’s defined.”
Adding a 2-minute task to your mental to-do list, keeping it in memory, and managing the anxiety of not having done it will take more effort than just doing it now.
Reacting emotionally to narcissists and other toxic people only gives them what they want — your time & energy — which encourages further abuse.
The press lost its monopoly on news when the internet democratised info. To save its business model, it pivoted from journalism into tribalism. The new role of the press is not to inform its readers but to confirm what they already believe.
The more you pursue happiness, the less likely you are to obtain it, because the focus on acquiring it only reinforces the fact that you don’t have it. Ironically, happiness comes easiest to those who don’t worry about it.
“Happiness is like a butterfly, the more you chase it, the more it will evade you, but if you notice the other things around you, it will gently come and sit on your shoulder.”― Henry David Thoreau
Most of your beliefs were formed earlier in your life, when you were naiver. You continue to believe them only because you’ve never reconsidered them. When you’re about to offer an opinion, consider when you formed it, and ask: is it really your belief, or your younger self’s?
And more..
Education
Getting Along with Kids, 10 min
“Wow, you have a thing with kids, they really like you.”
Is there such a thing like being gifted with ‘getting-along-with-kids’?
I don’t think so.
What if engaging with kids was a source of deep joy and plenitude? Children come with a pure, ingenuous will for playfulness that has so much to teach us, if we’re willing to.
Use the oldest icebreaker of all times: funny faces
How boring are we, adults, with our serious faces and looks. How about we stop taking ourselves so seriously? The stupid, funny face is telling a kid “Yo! We aren’t all boring, little one!”.
So smiling’s the trick? Yes! And - bam! - one of those things in life that are free and extremely rewarding.
Don’t take it too seriously
I have witnessed adults getting offended with a ‘violent’ gesture or word and taking that opportunity to ‘educate’ the child. Too often, these people tend to work on the assumption that the kid’s having bad intentions, that they’re being mean.In most cases, I don’t believe kids are intentionally violent. They experiment. A firm “come on, this ain’t nice, you know” and then back to playing often suffices to make them stop and move on to something else. Making a case out of each misbehaviour only emphasises a gap where they can run into to piss you off. They’re experimenting, remember?
In a nutshell, children are people. It’s about time we start acknowledging their presence. Or else what conclusions will they be learning from watching us?
More..
The State of the Culture, 2024 (Article), 10 min
Or a glimpse into post-entertainment society (it's not pretty)
The tech platforms aren’t like the Medici in Florence, or those other rich patrons of the arts. They don’t want to find the next Michelangelo or Mozart. They want to create a world of junkies—because they will be the dealers.
”Addiction is the goal.”Instead of movies, users get served up an endless sequence of 15-second videos. Instead of symphonies, listeners hear bite-sized melodies, usually accompanied by one of these tiny videos—just enough for a dopamine hit, and no more.
My thoughts..
Advice
It's funny how even though everyone’s becoming more unique, there's still a growing need for advice. But does every conversation have to turn into advice-giving? How can we avoid that and just enjoy a chat?
Part of the solution might be in how open and good we are at asking for advice or help. If it’s tough to ask, it makes good conversations tougher too. So, how can we have better talks where advice is just a part of it, not the whole thing? How do we focus on listening and sharing perspectives instead of always offering advice? I’m not really sure...
So, any advice or tips on how to have a meaningful and enjoyable conversation that doesn't involve giving or receiving advice? I’m looking for insights into what differentiates a good conversation from one that revolves around advice-giving.
Reflections inspired by the post, Can You Please Stop Telling Me To Live My Best Life Please.
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